So after my initial blog ‘My Anxiety’, I was left overwhelmed by the words and messages of support from Family, friends and also people who did not even know me but were touched, moved or just genuinely kind in their actions towards me.
So where am I now?
The past 3-4 weeks have been the most jumbled up and confusing time of MY Anxiety life. I have experienced the highs of feeling like nothing can beat me down, to the harrowing breathlessness and being trapped behind a bedroom door.
Although I am 37 and have suffered from this for 15 years, MY Anxiety can be unforgiving, sometimes throwing me a trigger curveball, flipping my coping mechanisms on their head and sending me into a spiral of the unknown.
This was the case about 3 weeks ago……..
Those close to me who are aware of if, how and why MY Anxiety rears its head, were away on holidays etc. and I was on my own. MY Anxiety struck when I was at work, a job where usually it has been a pivotal cog in my coping mechanism model, the love of what I do and the interaction with the wonderful people I engage with on a daily basis, was the calming waters of my sometime choppy life. It felt like I was stuck in quicksand, the more I tried to activate my mechanisms, the stubbornness of MY Anxiety refused to let me. What was happening?? I gave my head shake and tried again……..
This happened over 2 consecutive days and I was at a total loss, the people that could identify my decline were not there. I found myself at times, locked in my car in a multi-story car park for hours on end, repeatedly flicking through the Radio Stations, praying a broadcaster might take upon themselves to tell me to ‘snap out of it’, yes the worst thing you can suggest to Anxiety sufferers was now at the forefront of my thinking.
An enforced meeting with my employers then began unlocking and oiling the cog that was seemingly in decline, I found outlets I didn’t realise were there, people who I have seen on a regular basis, living a similar story to myself. A refresh in my home living situation quickly followed, another white cell support to combat my negative cells.
So at this moment in time, there are minimum ripples in my life pool, this is good.
However I am not naïve
I am not cured, I never will be.